


Better Off

by reigningqueenofwords



Series: Little Soldier [1]
Category: Avengers, Marvel
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:13:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22362388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Relationships: past Bucky x Reader
Series: Little Soldier [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625314
Kudos: 22





	Better Off

_ Dear Bucky,  _

_ Two and a half years. That’s how long we had each other. It all boils down to this. I’m too emotional right now, or I’d be saying goodbye face to face. That’s what comes with being nearly twenty weeks pregnant, though. I heard you the other day, Bucky. I heard you when you were with Steve. I had gone to ask him how to tell you about our baby. Well. I guess I should say my baby now. You don’t want any bastard children, wasn’t that how you put it? That you didn’t want kids at all? _

_ Your suspicions were clearly right. You went to him, telling him that you were worried I’m pregnant. Saying I’ve been emotional, eating differently, and napping. You wanted his advice, too, but for a very different reason. You wanted advice on how to tell me you didn’t want this. You wanted me to ‘take care of it’, or you’d have nothing to do with us.  _

_ I’m sure you can imagine my surprise hearing that. You’d never hinted that you didn’t want more. That you didn’t want kids, that they would be a deal breaker. While I was excited to share this next chapter of life with you, you were pulling away.  _

_ I found out I was pregnant when I was about 8 weeks. Do you have any idea how hard it was trying to plan the perfect surprise for when I found out what I was having? Not blurting it out? Hiding throwing up around you? Making sure that I didn’t slip up and say something that would give away what I thought would have been an amazing surprise.  _

_ Jokes on me, I guess.  _

_ We’re safe. We’re out of your hair.  _

_ If you care at this point.  _

_ Love,  _

_ Y/N/N _

Bucky stared at the note in his hand. He had been right, and you’d walked away. You didn’t want anything from him. You didn’t want him to ‘be there’ for your baby. His baby. You’d chosen to be a single mother, not even fighting him on it. 

Then it hit him. You said that the two of you were safe. Furrowing his brows, he went to find Tony. “You helped her leave?” 

Tony barely looked up. “Yup.” He nodded. “They’re safe. End of story.” He told him, continuing to work on his newest gadget, sighing when he messed something up. “Surprised you aren’t out celebrating.” Tony muttered, clearly upset with the Winter Soldier. 

“Why the hell would I be celebrating losing the woman I love?!” He snapped, angry. 

Sitting up, Tony looked at him. “She told me what you said, Barnes.” He said seriously. “You were going to walk away anyway. You got your out. I’ve never seen her that upset. If Nat and Steve weren’t helping them unpack right now, I’m sure you’d be having a very different conversation with a very angry assassin.” He warned him. “I would suggest hiding when they get back, though. You don’t want to know what came out of Nat’s mouth as threats towards you.  _ Clint _ hid.” He shuddered. 

Bucky’s jaw clenched. “Am I not allowed to not want kids?” He asked. “Not everyone is cut out for parenthood, Stark.” 

“Oh, it’s clear that not everyone is cut out for parenthood.” He agreed, going back to his work. “And no one is forcing you to be in their life, so obviously, you’re allowed. You know Nat sees her like a sister.” Everyone knew that. The pair of you had trained together from day one. You were nearly her equal, after all. “Just shows how much Y/N/N loves you. She said she wants you happy.” 

He stood there for a second, trying to figure out what the hell he was feeling. “Shit.” He grumbled, storming out. 

* * *

After they’d helped you move in, you hugged Nat and Steve goodbye. You watched them drive down your very long driveway before disappearing into the trees. No one had known Tony had bought a house (more like a damn mansion) in the woods in upstate New York. Not until you’d gone to him for his help. He’d told you he bought it a few years ago- along with other properties around the country. He called them his ‘just in case’ houses. And, he’d handed you the keys. 

The day after you’d gone to him, he’d had a cleaning company make sure the house was clean. Two days after, he’d had furniture delivered and set up. Three days after, you were packed up, and driving to what would be your new home. Steve drove in a second car behind you, leaving you and Nat in yours. They’d spent two days with you, but had to get back. 

Now you were alone in this big house. Shutting the door, you let out a small sigh. “I am here if you need anything, Miss.” Came JARVIS’s voice, making you jump and let out a small scream. 

“JARVIS?!” You managed, tearing up, a small smile on your face. He made this feel more like home. Unless you were hearing things. 

“Yes, Miss.” He assured you. “You’ve been shown the usual security system, but I connect your home to the tower. There are cameras that only Tony has access to in case of emergencies, and there is also a safe room in the basement.” He went on. “I will direct you to that once you have rested.” 

Leave it to Tony to make it into a fort. “Thank you.” You breathed, looking around. This was your home. It was surrounded by trees, but with a decent sized backyard. Nothing like a house you would have personally bought, but it  _ screamed  _ Tony Stark. 

* * *

You’d had your son, Dominick Paul Y/L/N in early October. The leaves had been falling, there was a nip in the air, and it made you look forward to his birthday parties years down the line. When he could ask for a Halloween themed party if he could. When he could jump in the piles of leaves. 

Everyone had come to see you over the course of two weeks once you were home. Tony and Pepper had been the ones to help you get home from the hospital. It was such a strange adjustment. Having a tiny being to care for. But, you loved your son, and every sleepless moment was worth it. Tony all but whined when it wasn’t his turn to hold the small boy. He promised to be back as he hugged you goodbye days later. 

Following him was Clint and Sam. Then Nat and Wanda. Then Bruce. Steve came last. You’d gotten so used to always having someone around that weeks later, your house felt far too empty for your liking. Looking down at Dominick, you smiled softly. “Maybe I’ll get your Aunts and Uncles over for Thanksgiving, handsome.” 

* * *

Bucky figured that they kept in touch, but had no way to know. None of them so much as mentioned your name near him. He was training when Wanda and Nat came in, making him furrow his brows. 

“His tiny hands!” Wanda said happily. “I knew he’d be small, but I’ve never really been around babies before.” She went on. 

Nat nodded. “I was more surprised he had  _ hair _ , honestly.” She chuckled. “I didn’t know a kid could come out with that much. I googled it when we got back to see if that was just something special. Apparently, babies born with hair isn’t uncommon.” She shrugged. 

Wanda chuckled. “I hope we can get back there soon. I loved getting to cuddle him!” 

“Who?” Bucky asked, surprising them. They hadn’t even noticed him there. 

Nat shrugged. “One of the women that works in the tower had a little boy.” She brushed it off as nothing.

He sighed, shaking his head. Had  _ you  _ had the baby by now? Should he ask them? He scoffed at the idea. It was better this way. He didn’t want kids. At all. He was a monster, and he didn’t want to screw up some poor kid by being their father. You, and your kid, were a hell of a lot better off this way.

* * *

The snow came, painting your land white. With it came your son’s first Christmas. 

The snow melted, letting you know that soon, flowers would be sprouting. Spring was fast approaching. Dominick was getting bigger every day. 

The May showers passed, leading to hot summer days. You watched the trees move in the summer breeze as you kept Dominick in to cool indoors. 

Summer heat led to the leaves turning. Signaling your son’s upcoming birthday. He was every bit a tiny version of his father. His dark hair was unruly at times, especially in the mornings. His bright blue eyes lit up when he liked something. You’d decided that you didn’t want a big birthday party for him. Just something small, as he wouldn’t remember. Getting Tony not to go overboard was another story. He’d gotten Dominick enough toys for everyone, but they’d already gotten toys, as well. 

It was a bittersweet day. Knowing that his father wasn’t there. And never would be. They knew that you still loved Bucky, and this would make it hard for you.

* * *

“JARVIS! Get Tony the video!” You beamed. “Dom is walking!” You clapped as your son waddled towards you. “Come to mommy!” 

* * *

“Sir, video from the house for you.” Came JARVIS’s voice one morning. A moment later, he saw Dominick walking to you. He grinned, seeing the pride on your face. 

* * *

That’s how time went by. Visits from the team when they could, birthdays and Christmases almost always a promise of them coming. You never asked about Bucky, or how he was.

In time, your heart ached less and less. When Dominick was three, you got a part time job and he went into daycare. That’s when you met a man named Will. The two of you had hit it off right away, but you refused to get too serious at first. You’d been honest about your family- how could you ever  _ hide _ that you were close with the Avengers? That you used to be one? The two of you had been together six months before they even knew you were seeing someone. It was nearing Dom’s fourth birthday, and you wanted them to all meet then. 

You were pacing the front room while Dom and Will played outback. Nat had texted you that they were almost there, and to say you were nervous was an understatement. Finally, you heard the cars and opened your front door. Smiling as you saw your family, you stepped outside and opened your arms for them. Clint came running, acting like a giant kid who hadn’t seen their favorite relative in awhile. You laughed as he hugged you, lifting you slightly off the ground. “Alright, point me in the direction of the guy I have to threaten.” He said half jokingly. 

“Be nice. Please?” You said as the others came up. “I really like him.” You said honestly. “He’s great with Dom, too.” You added, knowing that was a big concern of theirs. 

Tony kissed your cheek. “I promise I left almost all my suits at home.” He smiled, chuckling as you slapped his arm. “What? I keep one nearby at all times in case of emergencies.” He shrugged. “Where’s my nephew?” He grinned, always loving time with the energetic little boy. 

You chuckled, shaking your head. “He’s outback playing with Will.” You told him. “You can put his presents in the dining room. Are you guys staying the night this year?” Some nights they were able to, other times they had to get back that night. 

Tony shook his head. “I gotta get back.” He told you. “I think that Clint, Nat, and Wanda are staying, though.” He shrugged.

* * *

You were relaxing with Wanda and Nat while Clint, Sam, and Steve played with Dom in the yard. Will and Tony were chatting off to the side. “I have a question.” Will glanced at him. “She doesn’t talk about Dom’s father. Ever.” He started. “She explained that she left him before he was born, and that he’s also an Avenger.” Tony nodded. “Does he ask about them? Does he ever wonder where you all vanish to?” He was curious. “Will he just...show up one day?” 

Tony sighed, shaking his head. “He’s never asked. At least not me.” He said honestly. “Not since he asked me about helping her leave him.” He explained. “I have no idea what he thinks we do. I don’t really care, either. None of us talk about them around him, and he doesn’t even have an idea where they are. Hell, for all I know, he might think their in another country.” He mused. “He’s a friend, but they’re family.” He looked to Will. “And I will hurt you if you hurt them.” He said easily. 

“Yeah, Nat threatened me earlier.” Will chuckled nervously. “I’m sure I’d have you all on my back, honestly.” 

“And possibly Y/N. She would wipe the floor with all of us.” Tony told him. “Except maybe Banner. He’s not here. He visits without all of us. I think he likes the break from us ‘bickering’.” Which was true. They did act like a group of kids at times. It was hard, working and living together. “And JARVIS connects them for video chats sometimes.” 

You smiled over at them, thankful that they seemed to get along. 

* * *

Everyone was sitting around dinner one evening when an alarm went off. “Sir, there is an emergency at Miss Y/N’s.” JARVIS alerted him. Everyone paled at that. 

“Bring up video. NOW.” Tony demanded, panicked. 

A moment later, there was a video playing. It showed you fighting off a couple assailants. “Where’s Will?!” Nat asked, knowing that just because he didn’t have training, didn’t mean he wouldn’t fight. He loved you and Dom. 

“Dead.” JARVIS told them as your thighs locked around one’s head before slamming him to the floor. Bucky’s eyes never left you. It was clear that you weren’t as sharp as you once were, but you were still holding your own. “He was the first one down. Gun shot.” 

Wanda’s eyes were wide. “Where’s Dom?!” She all but yelled, worried for the boy she saw as her nephew. At almost six, he was more than aware enough that something was going on. “Please don’t tell me they got him, too.” 

“He’s in the safe room.” He said as everyone started rushing out to get to you. “I will continue the feed on the Quinjet.” JARVIS told them. 

It took Bucky a moment to follow, his mind trying to catch up to what was going on. Who the hell was Will? Was Dom your son? His son? Steve stopped him. “Do you think you’re in the right mind for this?” He asked, snapping from his thoughts. “It’s been years since you’ve seen her, and he won’t know who you are.” He added. 

Bucky gave a quick nod. “We need all the men we can get.” He said simply. 

* * *

Lying in the safe room, you had Dom’s shirt against your side. While you’d manage to take out most of the men that attacked, you’d also managed to get stabbed. You’d just barely made it to the safe room, locking both you and your son in. “Miss, the others are on their way.” He assured you. “They have a live feed, so they know what to expect.” 

Dom was crying and curled into your side. “Mommy!” He sniffed, shaking. 

“It’ll be okay, baby.” You breathed, trying to convince yourself, as well. You kissed the top of his head, tears in your eyes. You’d seen Will be shot, and were mourning the man that you loved. While trying to comfort your son. 

* * *

As soon as they were in your house, they were fighting. “Steve! Get them from the safe room!” Tony called to the super soldier. Sam went with him, knowing that Dom would need comforting, too. They had all seen you get stabbed, and they were all worried. 

Bucky kept as focused as he could. He took out a couple men before he saw Sam carrying you out, followed by Steve holding a little boy. The boy had his little arms around Steve’s neck, his face buried into the side of it. He sucked in a breath, knowing that was his son. He felt guilt wash over him. If he hadn’t said what he did, pushing you out, you wouldn’t be covering Sam in your blood. “Barnes!” Nat snapped at him seconds before a fist collided with his cheek. 

Tony stayed behind to deal with the legal aftermath while the others rushed you back to the tower. Dom never let go of Steve, who sung to him. He rocked him gently, trying to calm him down. Nat stayed by your side, holding some gauze to your wound, worry filling her. She couldn’t lose you. Dom couldn’t lose you. None of them could. 

Dom sniffed, looking up at Steve finally. “Will’s dead. He was gonna be my daddy when they got married.” He said sadly, breaking Steve’s heart. 

“I know, buddy.” He rubbed his back. “We all liked him.” Which was true. Will was a good guy. “Wanna talk about the fun we’ve had with him? Think of happy things?” He tried, not wanting this to be what haunted Dom. Dom chewed on his lip and nodded. “Remember last Christmas? When him and Tony played rock paper scissors over who got to put together your new toy?” He smiled softly. 

He nodded. “Aunt Wanda had it done before they gone done being silly.” He wiped his nose. “Did you know him and Uncle Bruce played the crossword together?” He asked. “They had a book, and they would each try to finish a page faster. Will never won.” He sighed. 

Swallowing, Bucky didn’t know what to do. Dom had no idea who he was, and clearly knew the others really well. Bucky hadn’t even known you were that close! He thought that maybe you’d gone back to where you grew up to raise him. He watched his best friend and the little boy together. It was so weird. Like watching Stevie with a young him. Dom kept his hair long, just like Bucky did. Was that because of you? Or was that what he liked? 

“Who’s the creepy guy watching us, Uncle Steve?” Dom ‘whispered’ to Steve, glancing at Bucky, who looked away. 

Steve sighed. “An old friend of your mom’s.” He told him. “I’m sure she’ll tell you about him when she wakes up.” He rested his cheek on the top of Dom’s head. He felt Dom’s grip on him tighten again. 

* * *

It had been touch and go for a few days. Bruce kept you under while the rest of the team looked after Dom. Tony had packed the small boy a bag before making his way back to the tower. He never wanted to be alone, which no one blamed him. He’d never been to the tower before, and he’d just been through something traumatic. The first night there, he had slept in Steve’s room. Which was interrupted by nightmares. JARVIS offered to play music finally, and Dom had been excited to hear the AI’s voice. Growing up with him always there meant he was a huge comfort to him. 

Yawning, Steve carried him down to breakfast the next morning. Nat came over, taking him. “Morning, cutie.” She kissed his cheek. “Wanna help me make breakfast?” She offered, ignoring how Bucky watched them. 

Dom shook his head, but it was Steve that spoke up. “He didn’t sleep well last night. Neither of us did. It wasn’t until he realized JARVIS is here that we got a couple solid hours in.” He told her. “I think it’s just gonna be a lot of cuddling him today.” He rubbed Dom’s back on his way by to get coffee.

“That’s okay. I don’t mind Dom cuddles.” She smiled softly at him. “Maybe later we can go see what Uncle Tony is doing in his labs?” She offered, hoping that would distract him for just a little while. 

“I want my mommy.” Dom told her sadly. He’d never been away from you for long before. Only for daycare, and school. This was new for him, and he didn’t like it. Especially after seeing you covered in blood. “Can I see her?” He asked. 

Nat sighed, not sure what to do. This wasn’t a situation she had ever foreseen. “Let me talk to Uncle Bruce after breakfast, okay?” She offered. “You can color with Aunt Wanda while I do that.” Seeing her nephew sag, but nod, killed her. 

* * *

Bucky was never very far from Dom, trying to get to know his son through the others. It was Steve that had noticed it near the end of day three. Sam and Nat were giving Dom a bath (or...trying to), and Steve pulled his best friend to the side. “What the hell?” Bucky glared. 

Steve crossed his arms over his chest. “Why are you all but stalking a six year old?” He asked. “I see him, and you aren’t far.” He pointed out, his eyes daring Bucky to contradict that. “Why?” He questioned again. 

“Because he’s my son.” Bucky shrugged. 

“No, he’s not.” Steve said firmly. “He’s Y/N’s son.” He corrected. He hated this, and hated knowing that he was likely hurting his best friend, but this was what Bucky had wanted. “You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say you don’t want kids, and then suddenly be obsessed with him years later. It took her a long time to move on.” He sighed. “She just lost her fiance, and Dom lost his father figure. Don’t make this harder on them by being weird.” 

Bucky looked down, shaking his head. “I feel guilty, Steve.” He admitted for the first time out loud. “If I hadn’t been so against kids, if she didn’t hear me, then they wouldn’t have been in that house. She wouldn’t be fighting for her life, and he wouldn’t think of me as the ‘creepy guy’. She’d be safe. They would have been safe.” He told him. 

Steve gave him a sad smile. “You can’t blame yourself.” He said gently. “You don’t want kids. Not everyone does.” 

“Because I was afraid of them getting hurt. I’m a monster. They’re better off without me.” 

He stared at him. “What?” He asked, confused. Not once did Bucky ever mention this when he’d told him he didn’t want kids years ago. 

“You think I want to screw up some kid because they got stuck with a monster for a father?” He asked, finally looking up at Steve. “They’re better off without me. Or, so I thought.” 

This honestly changed how Steve felt. He’d wanted nothing more than protect you, and Dom, from Bucky. From being hurt more by him. “Buck…” He sagged. “You aren’t a monster.” Hearing that he felt he was killed him. “Not even close.” 

Bucky went to argue, but a small body went running by them, followed by Sam, and Nat. Dom was giggling, clearly making this into a game. “Come on, kid.” Sam called out. “It’s getting close to your bedtime!” 

“Dominick Paul.” Nat said seriously, trying very hard not to laugh. He stopped in his tracks, knowing that meant trouble. He turned and looked up at her, his bottom lip our slightly. “If you let me get you ready for bed, you can sleep in my room tonight.” She crouched, holding up his pajamas. 

He sighed. “Fine.” He agreed. 

Bucky swallowed before walking away. Steve let him go, wanting to give him a moment alone before he went to talk to him again. 

* * *

You groaned as you came to. “Ow.” You whined. 

“Take it easy.” Came Bruce’s voice. “You’re in the tower, you and Dom are safe.” He assured you, knowing that’s where your mind would go next. 

Licking your lips, you looked over at him. “How’s he holding up?” You worried about how he was handling this. 

Bruce sat on the side of your bed. “He’s doing okay. First night he had a lot of nightmares. Took him realizing that JARVIS is here to let him and Steve get some sleep.” He explained. “He’s always with one of the team. He calls Bucky the ‘creepy guy’, by the way.” You groaned, knowing that you’d be coming face to face with him eventually. “He’s sleeping in Nat’s room tonight. I’ll let them know he can come say hi in the morning.” 

“Thanks, Bruce.” You patted his hand. “I can’t believe Will is gone.” You managed, tearing up. Everything was hitting you again. 

“We’re all sorry for your loss.” He kissed your forehead as the doors opened. “Hi, Steve.” He looked over. 

“JARVIS told me she was awake.” Steve explained. “I was hoping I could talk to her for a minute?” You had a right to know what Bucky had told him. 

Getting up, Bruce nodded. “I’ll go get you something to eat. After I’ll check your side.” He told you, heading out to give you two some privacy. The look on Steve’s face told him that it was important. 

Steve smiled as he sat where Bruce had been. “So…” How the hell was this supposed to come out? “I talked to Bucky tonight. Confronted him, because he’s been ‘stalking’ Dom as I put it.” You sucked in a breath, worried. Why would he do that? You didn’t think he’d hurt Dom, but it made no sense. “He feels guilty. He’s blaming himself for you getting hurt, and for Dom being put in the position to see all that.” He went on. “I told him he couldn’t have it both ways. He couldn’t not want kids, and then follow Dom around the damn tower. If I saw Dom, I saw Bucky.” 

“Bruce says Dom calls him the ‘creepy guy’. I get that now.” You noted. 

He let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, he started calling him that on the Quinjet.” He nodded. “Bucky told me why he didn’t want kids.” 

“Because he doesn’t? Remember, I heard him.” It felt like you were reopening new wounds. 

“He thinks he’s a monster, Y/N.” His voice was soft. “He didn’t want to screw up a kid by him being their father. He thinks you two are simply better off without him.” He held your hand, his thumb rubbing over your knuckles. “He’d never mentioned it before today. Not even a hint.” 

You stared at him. “What?” You finally breathed. You had no idea how the hell to process this. “C-can I have some time alone to think?” You asked, tearing up. You were so overwhelmed with everything that had been thrown at you. 

Steve nodded, giving your hand a squeeze. “Just have JARVIS call for me if you need me.” He told you. “I’m sorry that I just laid this on you after everything, but I thought you had a right to know. Before you saw him again.” 

Nodding, you gave him a small smile. “Thanks, Steve.” 

* * *

Not being able to lift Dom was hard as hell. Bruce had released you, but you had a weight limit of what you could lift, and were told to keep it easy. It had only been five days since the attack on your home. Coming down to lunch, you smiled at your family. It faded as you spotted Bucky. “Hi, Bucky.” You gave him a small wave, seeing him for the first time since you were twenty weeks pregnant with Dom. 

“Mommy!” Dom beamed, running over to hug your leg. He smiled up at you as you ran your hand through his hair. “I missed you.” He told you, even though he’d been visiting you. 

Bucky watched how you interacted with Dom, chewing on the inside of his lip. Would you be moving out again? Would you be staying at the tower? Would you tell Dom who he was? Would you ever be able to look at him without that pain in your eyes? 

You sat down, Dom dragging his chair as close as he could to yours. “So, what’s for lunch?” You asked, just wanting to move forward at the moment. You’d have a funeral to plan, choices to make, and you just couldn’t deal with it right that second. You needed to just be thankful for your family. 


End file.
